What You Need to Know About Dealing with Grief
7 MINUTE READ • GRIEF & DEPRESSION
Grief is the experience of any type of loss. Whether it’s from the loss of a loved one, loss of a pet, or the loss of a job, grief can impact your life. Grief can be acute, short, or persistent. Persistent grief typically occurs for longer than 12 months, while acute grief can last up to one year. Physical loss, or grief, is similar to losing a loved one or pet and involves losing a physical piece of life. Abstract loss is different - the loss of a routine, the loss of old coping skills, the loss of feeling safe.
The Experience of Grief
The experience of grief is complicated and unique to every individual. Crying and difficulty in daily activities are consistent experiences that people will have during the grieving process. Some individuals may have difficulty recalling memories, visiting certain places, or sleeping. In general, however, you should know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people will have no reactions at all, while others may cry or even laugh. There is also no set timeline for people to grieve. Some people take longer while others do not. Grieving is a process, not a result.
Many people who are grieving will want to talk about the loss of their loved one. This is a normal and healthy experience. Talking about the loss should never be forced as that can cause harm to the grieving person. In general, supporting those who are grieving should be done on their terms in a comforting way. It is always best to ask those experiencing grief validating and honest questions about how you can support them. Stating, "I'm happy to be here with you, what can I do?" is a great start. When someone asks for your presence while grieving, validate the bravery it takes for them to even ask with, "I would be honored to talk and listen."
People who are grieving can have difficulty with focus, memory, vocal tone and inflection, and may experience changes in their moods. If you are experiencing this, please try not to get frustrated with yourself. You are doing the best you can do right now. If you know someone who is grieving, try to accommodate these concerns by showing support, offering reminders, and by not taking these concerns personally. While it may be uncomfortable, you can support people through loss.
The Stages of Grieving
People who are grieving will go through a process. While many theories exist, the most popular is the Kubler-Ross model, which states that people who grieve progress through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model, however, was proven insufficient in explaining the complex processes people experience while grieving. While not all people will go through all of these stages and they may occur at differing times for different individuals, the Kubler-Ross model is still important.
The idea that all people can be expected to progress through the same process after a loss is rooted in a need for comfort during times of immense sadness. Needing structure, safety, and understanding of how the mind works are both healthy and normal in times of grief. Additionally, knowing what to expect gives the grieving and those around them a place to start to comprehend the loss.
Coping Skills
Every person uses a variety of coping skills and strategies when faced with adversity. During the grieving process, it can be difficult to cope using the skills and techniques traditionally used. This is not a personal failing but a person doing the best they can in a difficult situation.
Examples of coping skills that could be of benefit include:
Journaling about your day, experiences, thoughts, or life.
Writing a letter(s) to the loved one, person, or pet.
Artistic activities like drawing, painting, etc.
Mindfulness and meditation exercises.
Grounding activities such as making a list of things you can touch, taste, feel, hear, smell, and see.
Exercising.
Spending time with friends and family.
Using somatic (body-based) techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or a body scan.
Guided imagery.
Participating in Grief Groups.
Participating in faith-based activities.
Resources
Grief is a complex process. You and your loved ones do not need to navigate this without assistance. For additional information and support, please reference the organizations, links, and phone numbers below. Help is available.